Why do we stop trying? Why do we get so comfortable with people that we stop telling them all of the amazing things we feel about them or think about them? I feel like I'm the only person that doesn't stop doing this when I'm in a relationship with someone... I feel like I annoy my boyfriend with all my mushy, you're-the-best-thing-in-the-world, talk.
I had to pull up an ex-coworker's phone number in my old phone, the phone I had when my boyfriend and I started talking. I always read through his old text messages when I do that... and then I always wonder what the fuck happened. Maybe it's because I stopped writing poems? I don't know... but he didn't even read them half the time anyway... Looking back at them, I hate a lot of what I wrote, lol, and I can't say I blame him for skipping over them (pretty sure it was more of a lack of an interest in the site as opposed to a lack of an interest in his girlfriend's writing).
I'm not really one to push an issue. I try to sit back and figure things out for myself... but I really don't feel important anymore. He tells me he loves me and he tells me I'm pretty but it's always in a joking, half-serious tone. The stuff he used to say was so romantic and heart-felt and call me sappy (no, really, I really am...) because I miss it to pieces.
He forgot I had a tooth pulled a year ago... he also forgot I gave him a christmas present last year... he also said he was going to send me something and didn't... I didn't send him his present because, honestly, I couldn't afford the shipping... his present's still sitting here, wrapped... fucking yoda mug is too cute... the longer it sits there the more I want to open it up myself and use it for makeup brushes or something equally disgraceful.
I just... always think about him. I always try to do things for him... be it, sending him a hand written letter (which at one point he said he thought was romantic), writing him stupid love poems, or getting him small gifts for holidays... I always try to let him know he's loved... and I feel like I'm forgotten... *sigh*
I don't really know how to adequately express this, though. I tried to... I told him I didn't feel important but I couldn't express why. I dunno. I'm bitching about all this but he really is good to me... if I'm not feeling well he stays home with me and talks to me instead of going out with his friends... he's there for me if I ask him to be... I just don't want to have to ask... it kind of takes away everything good about the act... I think so, anyway.
I just kind of want him to do something because he loves me... not because his girlfriend said she feels unimportant and wants him to do something.
Wishful thinking, I guess.
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