You

I don't know what to feel anymore... only what I do feel. Only him. Only you.

You grab my heart's attention like none other. I feel weak around you. Every thought turns to mush and my walls fall completely at your feet.

Naked.
Exposed.
Unarmored.

When you're not around... I am stricken with panic and fear. Weak. Uneasy. I want to make sure you're safe and that you know how much I love you. So... so much.

I'm getting so close to leaving. I can taste it.

------------

This morning was hell.

I couldn't sleep at all last night. Now I'm exhausted and have a house to clean. On my own. Since it's my job. I'm the fucking maid.

*sigh*

I almost grabbed the scissors and jabbed them into my chest.

But your face... your voice...they're marked on my memory and they've stained my heart... Knowing I'll be able to brush my hand across your skin... It's the only hope I have. Being with you.

So I'll be good. I'll stick around. Because I said I would. I hope you can see how much I care... even though I don't really know if it comes off that way all the time... I... try my best to be strong for you and not burden you with my problems... I know you have a lot to deal with already... You tell me time and again it's no problem... but I can damn near feel your heart sink because you can't save me from the hell I've created.

I don't want you to save me. I just want you to love me through this. We'll make it. I know we will.

The dreams... I'm worried I'll wake up screaming your name. They're so real. All I want to do is sleep. It feels so... so real. I just want to touch you and feel your skin on mine. You are mine... and I want so much to claim you for the world to see and hear and know...

The anticipation... the... dread... the fear. I can barely stand it. But in the morning it's what gets me out of bed. And it's what keeps my days from falling apart. It's what keeps my heart beating and it's what keeps me from all but disappearing.

You.